The Book of Love

Rating: ADULT
Category: Dreamer (Max's POV)
E-mail: behrsgirl77@msn.com
Disclaimer: I do not own a thing, except for my thoughts and ideas and a couple of the characters I made up for the story. I will state that this is based on a challenge by La'Shon (FSU/MSW-94).

Summary: Max and Liz meet in the most extraordinary way and their lives and their futures will never be the same because of it. This is a story about learning to appreciate the gifts we're given, no matter how they come to be.

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Part 29

The Book of Love

I carefully watch her from my position outside on the balcony. Today, is a hard day for her, Alex is her family. And he's getting married in a few short months, to my sister. I wouldn't have thought it were possible for Isabel to love someone like Alex, not in a bad way, but her track record with guys was less than flattering.

She's happy though, happier than I ever thought possible. I know how she feels. When I look at Liz, when I see her watching me, I know that I'll never love anyone the way I love her. When she holds our son, and she makes funny faces at him, when she bathes him and tells him stories about how his daddy did something funny that day, I love her more.

It's a different kind of love; one I'm not sure has a name. Love seems like such a plain word for how I feel about Liz. I wonder if it will fade. I wonder if after some time it will feel normal. I smile when I see her head tilt back in laugher at something funny Alex just said, and I know it won't fade.

Our relationship isn't perfect, but we're working through it, and most importantly we're communicating... well I never did have a problem with that. Liz is trying though, since that night we first made love, she's made a conscious effort to include me into her thoughts and feelings.

I know it's hard sometimes, because she feels as though she's being silly, or overprotective, but it means so much that she even tries. Her words aren't always perfect, but she knows that I understand her.

For instance, one night last year, we had just finished putting Andrew to bed, when she turned to me, her face serious and asked me what I thought about her not returning to work. She had already taken an extended leave of absence, which I had encouraged, but allowed her to make the decision, rather than thrusting my opinion on her.

I'd told her I thought if that it would make her happy, that I would be perfectly fine with it. Besides, I'd said, I love the idea of her staying home raising Andrew, not that my mother would do a bad job babysitting, I just felt it was important. Liz missed out on so much of her childhood, the bonding between parents and child, and I told her I understood her need for that with our son.

She thanked me, and I again told her it wasn't necessary. After all, she was already living with me, so I had everything I wanted.

It was then, that I had turned to her and asked her, for the first time in a long time, what she wanted.

She just smiled and said, she had it all, and while I knew that wasn't true, I didn't test her on it.

"Hiding out?" my father says, coming to stand beside me.

"No, I'm just giving Liz time." He nods his head, takes of sip of his champagne and then turns, eyeing me cautiously. I know he has something on his mind.

"Out with it, Dad. You're silence is unnerving me a bit," I let out a shaky laugh, but I'm not jesting in the least.

"I just wondered, when you were going to make an honest woman of her?" he gestures with is glass towards Liz, who is now dancing with Dex.

My throat feels dry suddenly, and I wish I had a glass of water to delay my response. I turn away, facing the view of the city, thinking of a good response, one that won't earn me a lecture from him. My father is very traditional, and while I know he understands the untraditional relationship Liz and I formed, he is wondering what everyone else is.

When are Liz and I getting married?

I think about that question at night, while she's snuggled up against me, her breathing even. I think about it when she cradles our son, singing to him. I think about it while I'm at my desk at work.

The problem is, no matter how much and how long I think about it, I still have no answer. I just don't know.

Does that mean something?

Impatiently he says, "Well?" I clear my throat and tell him, "I don't know."

He turns towards me, expectantly. He wants an explanation. I haven't feared my father's disapproval in years.

"Dad, I love her. I just... I didn't do so great with it the first time around," I begin to excuse myself but he promptly cuts in.

"Damn it, Max. You were kids. You didn't know what it took to put and keep a marriage together. That was years ago. You aren't the same person. You're a man now. You have a successful business, you are a father, surely that counts for something."

Good points, just not enough to convince me I won't ruin us.

Shaking my head, I pluck the glass from my father's fingers and take a long deep gulp.

"You're scared?" he asks, lower this time.

I look at him over the rim of the glass and nod my head once.

"Why? You've been living together for nearly two years, you said you love her, and you have a beautiful son." I hide my laugh; my father sounds every bit the lawyer he is. To him, it's all just logical. Then again, like me, he's a man there shouldn't be too much of a question.

"Yeah, Dad. I love her. And I'm happy as a father, and I'm so glad I met her, no matter the circumstance." I'm not sure what else to say.

"Is it... different?" he asks. Normally my father does not get involved in my personal life, which is why I don't have a problem talking to him about it.

"From Serena?" He nods, and I tell him, yes.

"Good. Well then... what is the problem?"

"I-"

"Hey there! Hiding from me?" comes Liz's voice from behind us. We both start with a jump, but recover quickly.

"Not hiding, just taking a break." Liz comes over, says hello to my father and then looks up at me, a gleam in her eye.

"I think you owe me a dance Evans," she says, reaching out her hand and dragging me away. I look over my shoulder at my father and he just smiles.

Taking her in my arms, she folds her hands around my neck, our eyes meet and we both smile at one another. I take in a deep breath, I know I want to spend the rest of my life with her, but why am I so undecided about asking her to marry me?

"How do you think Dean is doing?" she asks, with a hint of laughter in her voice.

"I'm sure he's fine. He's watched Andrew plenty of times." I find myself laughing at the thought of Dean asking the first time if he could baby-sit for Liz and I. Liz was apprehensive, Dean never took care of a baby, but I (believe it or not) encouraged her on behalf of Dean. I knew that if anything went wrong, he'd call. He was responsible after all.

"Since when did you join Team Dean?" she had asked me and I shrugged my shoulders and said, "We bonded." Which wasn't a lie. When Liz went into labor, and Dean was right beside me, we had already come to an agreement, but the fact that he would have backed me up without question during that time, spoke volumes.

"I wasn't worried about Andrew, Max. I was worried about Dean. Andrew isn't three yet and he has Dean wrapped around his finger." I chuckle and tell Liz not to worry about it.

Liz rests her head on my chest as we sway to the music. I break off a minute later to ask her how she's doing.

"I'm okay. I'm just... it's going to be weird. Alex is going to be married! I mean I knew eventually he would, but I guess I didn't let myself think any further than that. Don't get me wrong; I love Isabel. She's great for him, and he for her, I just..." she trails off, moving her arms around my waist.

I lift my shoulder, nudging her a bit and she looks up, biting her bottom lip, and continues to explain. "I never thought I wouldn't be with Alex, well not be with him just... I thought we'd be together forever, living together... it wasn't realistic but-"

"But, you were young, and he was your whole life. I understand Liz. I really do."

Looking up at me, she nods her head and says, "I know you do, Max. You're the only one that ever really understood me. You're the only one, that ever wanted to understand me."

Sucking in another deep breath, I knew I couldn't be happier. I knew I should ask her to be mine... but I couldn't. Something was holding me back. I just wish I could figure it out.

*~*~*

Later that night, I sit across from our bed watching Liz sleep. I think I'm waiting for the answer to just hit me. Isn't that the way it's supposed to go?

I am scared to marry her.

I know we have time, and I know I don't have to rush it.

What if she expects more than I know how to give? What if she's not happy? What if...

The sound of the doorbell ring gives me a start. What the hell? I immediately get to my feet and cross the room, praying that it doesn't wake Andrew up.

"Is that the doorbell?" comes Liz's groggy question.

"Yeah. Go back to bed," I say over my shoulder as I make a run for the stairs.

It doesn't sound again, thankfully, but I check to see who it is.

"Maria?" I whisper as I swing open the door. She's crying, her hands are clutched on her purse and she looks up at me.

"I'm sorry. I... I didn't know where else to go." I nod my head and pull her inside. Behind me I hear Liz ask what's wrong.

Maria begins to apologize, but Liz waves her off and ushers her down the hall to the living room.

By the time I close the door and enter the living room, Liz is seated with Maria pacing the length of the room.

"Can you believe he'd be so deceitful?" I'm not sure what she's talking about, but by the time I reach Liz's side I find out.

"Pretending to be a damn woman to talk to me? Why didn't he just pick up the phone! What a coward! I told him he was, he laughed at me and said that I never listen to him. That I wouldn't have cared that he was calling. And that... that I..." she stops in her tracks a moment later, when Liz's voice penetrates her tirade.

"Would you have listened to what he had to say, Maria? Would you have given him a chance to tell you all the things he'd been trying to say?"

Maria spins on her heels to face both Liz and myself, and opens her mouth to respond, but the words become lost. Her shoulders sag in defeat.

"Why didn't he just call me? We talked before on the phone, I thought it was nice. I thought..."

"What?" I finally ask.

"I don't know."

We sit in silence, and then I finally get the nerve to ask her. "What do you want from him, Maria?" She looks surprised, and has no answer. I probably shouldn't get involved, but I am apparently the only one that has noticed Michael's entrance. I must have not locked the door, or maybe it was the fact that he still has a key to the front door. And in this case, Michael needs my help.

"Do you want him to beg you to take him back? Do you want him to ask for forgiveness for all the other women? Do you want him to leave you alone?"

"You don't understand, Max. I wanted to be here with him, all this time, but he pushed me away." I raise my brow, calling her out and she finally comes clean. Liz sits beside me, I can tell she's noticed Michael but she doesn't say anything.

"Fine! Fine! Fine! I pushed him away, damn it! I did! And when he finally walked away, I couldn't handle it. I wanted him to fight for us. I wanted him to want me... to love me. But most of all..." she breaks off, and Liz urges her on.

"Most of all, what, Maria?" Maria's green eyes connect with Liz's and she breaks down and says, "I wanted him to forgive me. To want me back despite all the mean things I said. And I thought these last few months, that while we were going out and spending time together, that I'd feel like... that we'd feel-right." Gesturing with her arms opened wide, they fall to her side.

"We don't feel right. And then I find out he lied to me, how can we ever get back to where we were? How can we, Liz?" I watch, as if in slow motion, Liz stand up and reaches Maria in a few strides. Reaching up, Liz takes both of Maria's hands and smiles at her.

Both Michael and I can see their profiles now, nearly the same height (Maria's got a half an inch or so on Liz), but what's strange is that Liz looks confident and Maria looks like the lost one - when had their roles reversed?

Liz's voice is soft and calming, Michael doesn't move, I can't even tell if he's breathing, "You can't ever go back. You can't wish your life to be one way; no matter how hard you try. Trust me, I've been there. All you can do is start from right now. If you love him, then you need to tell him. If you want to be with him, then you need to be with him. Don't let your fear force you to give up the one thing you want most in the world. I've gotten to know Michael without you, and I know how hard he's been trying to figure things out. But... that doesn't matter, Maria. It's your life. Your choice."

Maria's crying deeply, something I haven't witnessed that often. "Do you think it's possible to start over? To just forget all the hurt and pain?" We are forgotten, I realize when Liz reaches up offering Maria a confident smile, swiping her tears away and says, "I think if you love someone you learn to love everything about them; even the bad parts. I know how hard it was for me to accept Max in the beginning. I was hurt so bad and he was everything... just everything I had wanted but he was too good to be true. He told me he wasn't perfect, but he had no idea at that time how un-perfect I was. I was so scared of messing up, of losing him."

"Yes, but you're happy now. Right?"

Liz nods, "Yes, so damn happy. But Maria, my past wouldn't allow me to move forward and I almost lost Max because of that. Not physically, because I don't think he would have counted me out yet, thank God, but emotionally. He gave me so much of himself... and I took it and gave nothing in return. No one says you have to get it right the first time, but if you get another chance... you owe it to yourself to at least try."

"How did you let go of the past?" Maria's question is little more than a whisper. Liz's response however isn't, she takes Maria by the shoulders and spins her to face Michael, and then she says, "You have to let him love you, the only way it seems an Evans can. Completely."

And it's in that moment; I realize the only thing holding me back from asking Liz, is myself. I don't need to wake up in the middle of the night and have an epiphany. And maybe I don't think I deserve the blessings I've received, maybe hard times are coming our way, but I think we love each other enough to not let that determine our future.

I don't want to regret another thing in my life.

*~*~*

"Max, I'm meeting Maria for breakfast, so if Michael is coming over, you need to get Andrew dressed." Liz brushes past me the next morning. After last night, Michael and Maria ended up in one of the guest rooms, talking. Or maybe just catching up on lost time, in any event, I feel pretty good about their future.

"Can you come here for a minute?" I ask and she pauses at the threshold. She's freshly showered and covered only in a bath towel. The expression on her face this morning makes me feel like I'm missing something.

"Liz, I wanted to ask you..." I can't do it! She's in a towel and I don't have the ring, what in the hell was I thinking last night?

"What?" she looks up, rising up on her tiptoes to kiss my lips gently.

Shaking my head I return the kiss and murmur a never mind.

"Okay, I'll see you later then. Love you."

"I love you too, Liz."

I never chicken out... I guess there is a first time for everything.

*~*~*

Leaving Andrew with Michael, since I decided I needed to make a few stops before tonight, I swing by and pick up Isabel.

"So, you're finally going to ask her?" my sister smiles brightly at me, as we wait for the jeweler to bring out Liz's engagement ring.

"Yeah. I'm ready."

Isabel watches me closely, leaning gently against the counter. "What?" I ask and she shakes her head before straightening and saying, "You're really scared aren't you?"

"No."

"I never thought the day would come that I'd see you, scared about a woman."

I shift my weight and rest my hip against the counter, trying to appear calm. "Iz, she's not just some woman. She's the mother of my child, she's everything to me."

Isabel sets her hand on my shoulder giving it a squeeze and smiles at me, "You are going to be a great husband, Max. I never had any doubt. You deserve this, and so does she damn it. She's waited a long time for you, Max." I smile at her, knowing she's right.

"I just don't want to make any mistakes," I mumble out as the jeweler comes over with the box containing Liz's platinum custom-made ring. I had it designed with the help of Isabel and my mother last year. I wanted to have it ready, I wanted it to be perfect because I was only doing this one last time in my life. It had to be right.

"Well brother, I hate to tell you, you're going to make mistakes. Lots of them, but it will be all right." I nod my head as I pop open the lid and stare at the ring Liz will be wearing forever.

"It's perfect," I say to myself, but Isabel comments, "She's going to love it almost as much as she loves you and Andrew."

"Isabel, if I didn't tell you before, thank you, for everything. If I made your childhood a living hell, well I'm sorry, but it was my job." I offer her a crooked smile.

I watch as Isabel's eyes tear up for a moment, before she blinks them and smiles brightly at me. "Don't worry, you're on diaper duty with my first baby." And with that she walks out of the store.

I shake my head and don't doubt for a minute that she was serious a second ago.

*~*~*

After dropping Isabel off, I find myself on a familiar doorstep. Over the last few years, I've become closer to this person, the last person I would have thought.

"You slumming again Evans?" comes his laugh filled voice and I look up to see him standing behind the screen door.

I smile. "Gotta spread the love. I figured your neighborhood deserved a little excitement."

"Smart ass, what are you doing here? I thought I wouldn't see your ugly mug until tonight."

For a moment I'm struck dumb, tonight?

"We don't have plans."

"Maybe you don't, but your girlfriend invited everyone over for dinner, earlier this morning."

Well damn, Liz is known to have family dinners at least four times a month, it's important to her and as hard it is for everyone, they never let her down. Ever.

Why tonight, though? It's like she knows how hard this is for me and she has to go ahead and spoil things... just like a woman.

"You look worried, what's going on?" he asks, coming out and joining me on the porch. It's funny; Dean knows how to read my facial expressions pretty damn well. Not a bad thing, but not a good thing sometimes.

Not really sure how to say it, I reach into my pocket and pull out the ring box. He looks shocked, not enough though to stop him from plucking the box from my hand and opening it.

He whistles and snaps it shut. "Well if you were hoping for anyone within a three mile radius to tell if she was engaged, I'd say with that thing, there won't be a problem."

We both share a laugh, but he's waiting for me to say something.

"What if she says no?" I ask, the question I have never voiced aloud to anyone. And why I chose him to do it isn't lost on me. He's Liz's best friend, although nowadays he comes a close second to me.

He looks at me gauging my seriousness before responding. "Obviously, you've lost your mind. Liz isn't going to say no."

I jump all over him, "How do you know? Did she talk to you about it? Has she mentioned me taking too long? Not long enough..." I continue, but Dean moves forward and places a hand on my shoulder.

"Calm the fuck down, you're giving me a headache. I watched your son last night, in case you forgot, that kid sucks the life out of me. He never runs out of energy. I need to recover fully before tonight," he pauses and nods his head playfully, a smirk on his lips.

"Sorry, but seriously, what do you have for me?" I ask earnestly.

"Nothing."

"Nothing? She doesn't talk about it?" He shakes his head.

"Why?" I nearly come undone with panic. Maybe Liz doesn't want me to ask yet. Maybe it is too soon for her. It's not for me; I've made my decision. I want nothing more than to ask her tonight. Right now.

Dean seems to think over his answer carefully, which only leads me to believe that he knows something I don't. "I don't know why. But I have a feeling for this very reason. She wants you to know when you're ready to marry her." There is something about the way he phrased that, which leads me to believe that my timing couldn't be better.

With a nod of my head, I turn on my heel, call a "see you later," over my shoulder and walk with a little lighter step back to my car.

*~*~*

By the time I make it home, taking a slight detour to my parent's house after I picked up Andrew, our living room is packed. Everyone, except for my parents, who I had asked to watch Andrew until dinner at seven, was there.

Clearly when Liz told my parents seven, she'd told everyone else six.

"Hey Max!" Dexter calls out, as I push through the throng of people. Since when were there so many of us? I turn to my side and notice, Serena and Greg? Obviously I've missed something.

"Liz!" I call out and she comes from the kitchen with a plate in her hands, which I quickly take from her and give to the nearest person, Alex.

"What's wrong?" she asks, as I bustle her from the room, out the patio doors and pause at the threshold to regard the room full of people.

"If anyone steps outside in the next twenty minutes, I will personally hunt you down and make you pay." With that I slam the door shut and take her hand and guide her through the thick hedges until we come to the clearing. We placed a small pond and two stone benches, at Liz's request last year.

"Max, you're scaring me." I smile down at her as I reach for her other hand.

"Don't be," I whisper.

"Okay. Max, there's something..." I reach up and silence her and then because I can't help myself, kiss her.

"I can't believe we're here. I can't remember not having you in my life."

"Me either," she murmurs, her voice thick with emotions.

"Calm down sweetheart," I smile and then take a deep breath, and bend down on one knee in front of her.

I squeeze her hand and look up to her. "Liz, I was trying to think of the perfect way to do this. I wanted it to be special for you... memorable. But in the end all I can think of saying is, I love you. Do you remember the first time I told you that?" I ask and she whispers out through her tears, "Yes. I will never forget"

"Good, tell me if this sounds familiar then because when I thought about this moment, that night stood out. It was the first time I told you I loved you. And tonight, is the last time in my life, that I will ask a particular question. You ready sweetheart?" I ask and she nods, drawing in a shaky breath.

I begin to sing softly, for her ears only; "I will give you my heart, faithful and true, and all the love it can hold, I've thought about how long I'll love you and it's only fair that you know... forever's as far as I'll go."

I take a deep breath and ask, "Liz Parker, will you marry me?"

I hear her intake of breath, as I reach into my pocket and take out the ring, holding it at her finger, as she looks down at me, tears streaming down her face, I hear the word I didn't know how bad I needed to hear until I asked that question.

"Yes."

"Yes, Max, I'll marry you!" she says kneeling down before me, wrapping her arms around me. I run my hands through her hair, and hold her, crying happy tears against my chest.

"I'm so happy, Max." Liz says as she swipes the tears from her eyes, I help her, and cup her face in my hands, watching her closely. She's biting on her bottom lip, but she's still smiling.

"What is it?" I ask, because I know better. And that's when she leans in, and whispers to me, "You're going to be a daddy again Max."

And it's in this moment I realize how ironic the world truly is. A few years ago, I was divorced with no kids. My mind was made up on marriage, about a lot of things. And then she walks into my life and turns it upside down. She made me feel things I never thought possible, frustration, hope, anger, happiness... deep down, love and passion.

I know this is only the beginning and I know it won't always be easy. But I am a patient man.

If there really is a book of love, I now know I'm capable of helping Liz fill every chapter up. It might be long and boring to some, but to me, it will be the greatest story ever written.

- The End -