The Book of Love

Rating: ADULT
Category: Dreamer (Max's POV)
E-mail: behrsgirl77@msn.com
Disclaimer: I do not own a thing, except for my thoughts and ideas and a couple of the characters I made up for the story. I will state that this is based on a challenge by La'Shon (FSU/MSW-94).

Summary: Max and Liz meet in the most extraordinary way and their lives and their futures will never be the same because of it. This is a story about learning to appreciate the gifts we're given, no matter how they come to be.

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Part 25

Welcome Back

I don't think I've been more excited to be home, than I am today. Two weeks of talking to her on the phone, but not being able to see her face, her smile and taste her lips is far too long. Which is precisely why I'm headed over to her place. I didn't tell her what time our flight was coming in, just so I could surprise her.

Alex decided to head over to my parent's house, Michael however decided he was going for a walk and I told him to call me if he needs anything. I know that he won't, just like I know there is nothing I can do for him. In fact, I kept the fact that Maria sent me a text message saying she arrived safely. It would have served as a reminder that she didn't call him, but that's okay, I have a feeling, or maybe it's just hope, that they will find their way back to each other.

Hope, funny thing is I've never had to rely on that before meeting Liz. But she gives me hope, because if we as two strangers can come together and not only be friends, that are having a baby, but fall in love, then I've got to believe in something more.

Falling into bed was always easy; falling into love was never a challenge I was up for. Liz is a challenge, I have a feeling for the rest of my life she will be, and I can't wait. Granted, I don't believe in fairy tales or their endings, but I know without a doubt that I love her and would do anything for her.

With an extra skip in my step, I make it to her sidewalk and check my watch. The sun is setting already and I haven't eaten anything all day, no matter because I'll just take Liz out for dinner.

My steps falter as I hear their voices as I reach the first step to her stoop. Without being seen, I lean over the handrail and see Liz and Dean sitting near her door. I freeze, and bend down settling down on the last seat. I shouldn't eavesdrop, I should just make myself known, but a part of me is now wondering what in the hell he's doing here especially when she knows I'd be coming home sometime today.

It's probably nothing. I'm just jumping to conclusions...

"You know I love you, Liz. I always will, nothing will change that. But you can't hide behind me anymore and I'm sorry I asked you not to tell him..." My eyes narrow in confusion and suspicion, it doesn't take a genius to figure out the him is me.

Even though I can't see them, I can hear them perfectly from this angle, and I listen... closely.

"I understand, and to be honest, I'm sorry Dean. I'm so sorry; I used you to hide behind. I should have told him but... I was scared."

"Scared about what? Liz, obviously he cares about you, as much as that irks my ass. I figured he'd be long gone by now, but..." Dean huffs, and I can only imagine he turns away from her because he's silent.

"He's going to be so angry with me," Liz's voice reaches my ears, shaky in quality and I feel even more unsettled. What the hell are they talking about?

A small laugh escapes from Dean's lips, "Nah, I don't think so, Liz. But what are you going to tell him?"

Liz doesn't hesitate, "Everything. He deserves that and if he hates me, it's no less than I deserve."

"He'll understand." I'm so glad Dean has confidence in my forgiveness, because at this moment all I want to do is drag Liz away and demand answers.

"No, he won't. You don't know Max. The only thing he ever asked from me was not to lie, and not to keep secrets, and that's all I've done. I've lied to the one person I ever really loved," she pauses, my heart tightness, and then she says, "I'm sorry Dean. I loved Danny, but it's nothing like what I feel for Max."

"That's because he never deserved you, you just were too blind to see it. Liz, he was never going to be what you wanted. And then well, when he met me, I feel like I ruined everything for you."

"No! Don't ever say that. Dean I was friends with you first, you mean so much to me. You're my family, but Danny, I don't know I guess I kept thinking, 'If only I love him more, then he'll want everything I want.' I realize now, I was just fantasizing in real life, but now there's Max and I don't even have to fantasize, he's so good to me. Dean, do you think he'll forgive me for not telling him everything?" her voice breaks, and she finally begins to cry.

"He'd be a fool, Liz. But honestly, I think you're thinking too much into this. And you know that letter; it means nothing. Danny loved you in his own way; he wouldn't have done what you asked otherwise. I believe it, Liz. But it doesn't matter anymore, Liz. It's time for you to be happy."

Damn it, it breaks my heart that she's hurting, but to know that she's been lying to me about... well hell, I don't even know, but it must be bad if she thinks I won't forgive her. At the same time, though, Dean doesn't think it's that bad at all.

All the muscles in my body tense, it's time I've revealed myself.

Dean notices me immediately. His arm is around Liz's shoulders, and my eyes burn with fury when I take in the sight. The ache in my chest begins to burn as I find my voice.

"Hi, Liz." Her body stiffens visibly and she turns to look up at me, teary eyed and surprised, a wide smile on her face.

I offer her a small smile in return, I can't help it, especially when she reaches out her hand for me to help her up, when she could have asked Dean, and I take her into my arms. She buries her face into my chest and tells me how much she's missed me.

I kiss her temple, all the while eyeing Dean carefully; he turns his head and gives us our privacy, interesting. "Me too, sweetheart. Why are you crying?" I ask, as if I don't know, which is half-true.

Liz disengages herself from my arms, looking up at me, her lips begin to tremble and I pull her back to me. "What's wrong?"

"Max... I, I have to tell you something."

"Yeah, I figured as much," I offer casually and she snaps back, looking up me through her tears and swallows. "H-how much did you hear?"

I lean in closer, whisper into her ear, "Everything," and then pull back, gripping her hand in mine.

"Okay. Okay," is all she says as she turns to dismiss Dean. He quickly reaches his feet, jumps off the side of the banister and heads for his car.

"You want to take a walk?" she asks, not looking at me.

"No. How about we go to my place? I haven't taken a shower yet, and I'm starving." I'm trying to get her to calm down because I know if she's a ball of tears, I'll never get the whole story out of her, and besides watching her cry is the last thing that brings me pleasure.

"Sure, Max." She follows me, hand in hand to my car. We drive in complete silence until we reach my living room.

I wait until she's seated to ask my burning question. "What are you not telling me, Liz?"

Her hands are shaking when she pushes her hair back, and I hate that this is stressing her out. This is not the time for it, but honestly I can't take knowing she's keeping things from me any longer. This was not the reunion I was looking forward to when I got on the plane home.

"Do you want to sit down?" I take a step closer, and realize that while I want to know the truth, I burn for it; it may destroy everything we have. Sometimes knowing is worse than not knowing, I've learned that in the past and I do not wish for a repeat performance.

"Is it bad, Liz?" I ask, and damn but my voice is uneasy. I clear my throat and take a seat on the arm of the couch she's sitting on.

"It depends on what you think is bad."

I nearly growl with frustration, "Just tell me, Liz."

"I... I lied to you about who Danny was, and who Dean is, or who he would have been or... I don't know anymore."

"What are you talking about?" She looks up at me, her face more serene than before, and then she says, "I think I should start at the beginning, it's what you deserve, everything."

*~*~*

I listen as she starts talking about meeting Dean, which I already heard and I ask her to move forward because the tension and the not knowing is nearly killing me.

"Okay," she says and then she finally looks up at me. The air around us pulsating with tension, fear, anger, uncertainty and all of them wash over me while I wait.

"Dean is Danny's son."

That's it? That's what she was keeping from me? That can't be it, or was my opinion of her situation that important to her?

"So why lie about it?" She looks up at me in confusion.

"You don't understand do you? If you did, you wouldn't be so calm, you would be disgusted with me," she mumbles out as she makes a move to stand, I reach out to help her.

"Dean was my best friend, and I was in love with his father. A father he didn't even know. He had a picture of him; he was the result of an affair Danny had with his mother. And they were reunited because of me. And I had... slept with his father! He was so disgusted with the situation."

"Dean was?" I ask, getting angry about the fact that if Dean had that opinion about his father and Liz, then he should have kept it to himself, if Liz was his best friend.

When she shakes her head, my heart nearly standing still. "Danny was? He was disgusted with you?"

She nods again, and I rise to my feet and place a hand on her shoulder. "Liz, don't cry over him."

"I'm not! I'm crying over you."

"Me?" I ask in confusion, still I don't understand what she's trying to tell me.

"You're going to have to spell this out for me honey, I don't know what you are expecting from me."

Liz spins on her heels and walks over to the balcony window, stares out and places her hands on the glass. "I let you believe that Dean was something more to me, because it was easier than telling you the truth."

"Which is," I ask, coming to stand behind her. Her reflection meeting mine in the glass.

"That I spent all this time, all the time before I met you, crying over a man who never wanted me forever. He found his son, and that was all that mattered. But still, I tried and tried to get him to love me. I don't know why,"

"I do. Liz you loved him, that wasn't wrong. I'm sorry he hurt you. He didn't deserve you."

She wipes her eyes, and turns to face me, "No, Max. I don't deserve you." With that she walks past me and back over to the couch.

"Liz-"

"I wanted to stay with Danny, but he wanted to get to know his son. He pushed me away but I kept coming back. I always went to Dean after Danny and I fought about the same stupid shit, and Danny thought I was having an affair with his son."

"Liz, even I know you wouldn't do that. He was going to be your," I pause and swallow, "Your step-son." That is a hard pill to swallow but it doesn't change anything.

"That's right. Dean is my family. I would never do that. Ever Max. Please believe me," she pleads with her eyes and I pull her against me, her belly bigger than ever, protruding and bumping me in the stomach. I feel our baby move and I can't help but smile. She was worried all this time that I would form an opinion about her past, about her feelings, while I'm relieved that was all she needed to tell me, a part of me is hurt that she would think that about me. And about the fact that she didn't just tell me who Dean was instead of letting me believe the worst.


"I lied to you about Danny and me, Max. We were never married, I tried to get him to but... I guess it doesn't matter because I'm glad we didn't. So happy, Max." She pulls from my arms and moves across the room.

"Why do you keep walking away from me, Liz?"

"I'm not."

"You are."

"I'm sorry! I just don't want to see the look on your face."

"What look?" I ask, softly, closing the distance between us.

"The look of disgust!" she nearly shouts, her small hands balled into fists and I fight to hide my smile. God, I do love her. Her hormones are working overtime today, poor thing.

I decide to change things up a bit, and get one final answer. "What was in the letter?" She freezes, but finally meets my gaze.

"It was stupid," she sighs, her shoulders sagging. "It was a stupid letter, one that I found while cleaning up the apartment. I guess Danny left it for me, but it must have slid under the bed or whatever."

"What was in it?"

"He was telling me, how wrong we were together and how selfish he was for keeping me around for as long as he did. That he pushed me away because it was what was best for me. Stuff like that," she says, waving her hand in the air dismissively.

Skeptically, I ask, "That's it?"

"Max, you don't understand. I hated Danny when he died. Not only for leaving me, but because I realized that he was never with me. I followed wherever he lead and I was so damn scared that I was going to do that with you. I'm so scared that I'm going to come to rely on you and you'll... you'll..."

"Change my mind?" I say, moving closer, cupping her face between my hands, forcing her to look at me.

"Sorry, to break this to you, sweetheart, but you're mine. And I'm not going anywhere, Liz. I told you I loved you and I don't say that easily. I don't throw that word around, and I don't throw my feelings around, and I sure as hell would never play with your feelings that way," I tell her, leaning in, kissing her lips softly.

When I pull back, her eyes are closed, her lips parted and I can't resist, I kiss her again. This time deeper, pouring the last two weeks of loneliness without her into it. Her lips move easily, eagerly against mine, until finally a small moan escapes and I pull away.

Pushing her hair back away from her face, I keep her head tilted up, making sure to read the look in my eyes, and waiting until she realizes, disgust is the last thing she'll ever see there.

Liz blinks a few times, before asking, "You're not mad at me?" I shake my head, and say, "I'm not mad. I can't lie and say I'm not hurt, though. I mean you could have told me all this, it would have made your relationship with Dean, make more sense and Alex would have stopped ribbing me," I take that into consideration, "Did Alex know that I didn't know?"

"He didn't at first, he just thought it was a joke. But then I told him to stop talking about it because it was important that you found out from me. I never meant to hurt you. I was just afraid of losing you because..."

"You don't know how else to be. That's okay, Liz. But thank you for finally telling me and promise me there is nothing else?" I prod and she shakes her head. "Nothing, Max. You know it all now."

"I do. And do you know what I think about you now that I know the truth?" She tenses and tries to look away, but I hold steadfast.

"Do you, Liz? Do you want to know what I feel about you now?"

"W-What?" she asks, unsteadily.

"I love you even more. You haven't had it easy, and I know that. I don't want you to think I've got these obscene expectations of you, Liz. I don't. I just need you to be honest with me."

"That's all?" she asks, with a hint of a smile tingeing her voice.

"And I need you to love me."

"I do."

"And I need you to kiss me." She does, and pulls away and whispers, "Anything else?"

I smile broadly, lean in and say, "I need you to make love to me, tonight." With that, I take her hand, walking towards the staircase that leads to our bedroom. A place I've never slept with anyone but Liz.

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