The Book of Love

Rating: ADULT
Category: Dreamer (Max's POV)
E-mail: behrsgirl77@msn.com
Disclaimer: I do not own a thing, except for my thoughts and ideas and a couple of the characters I made up for the story. I will state that this is based on a challenge by La'Shon (FSU/MSW-94).

Summary: Max and Liz meet in the most extraordinary way and their lives and their futures will never be the same because of it. This is a story about learning to appreciate the gifts we're given, no matter how they come to be.

---

Part 24

Goodbye's, Lost Love's and Hamburgers

Leaving Liz last night was hard. Much harder than I thought it would be. Harder than anything I've had to do in a long time. I smile remembering her getting out of bed last night, digging through her small closet and pulling out a Polaroid camera. She snapped pictures of us in bed, smiling, laughing, and finally I snatched the camera from her and took a few of my own. Liz wouldn't let me see any of them; she said they had to dry and that when I returned I could see them.

"Don't brood, I don't need that shit right now, Max." I turn and see Michael coming up along side me on the sidewalk. Our jet leaves in twenty minutes and he's late by Michael standard. I lift my hand, slap him on the back and motion for him to follow me inside.

Today is hard for him, Maria's flight is leaving and she won't be back, maybe not ever. Granted she said she'd be back for the birth of the baby, but I'm not holding her to that. I know this is the right thing for her, as much as it hurts my brother. I think Michael finally realized it's what she needs but that doesn't make it easier to swallow.

"Did you talk to Alex this morning?" he grumbles out, lifting his coffee to his lips.

"He'll be here, he wanted to see Isabel beforehand. I think Alex had something planned for her and..."

"Yeah, he was gonna ask her to move in with him. His new place, that is." I narrow my eyes, how did I not know? We celebrated Isabel's birthday over a month and a half ago, and I was more than sure Alex would have asked her then.

"Seriously?" I ask, wanting to know more. Like for instance, if Liz was still going to live with him or not. However, Michael shrugs his shoulders and says, "I don't want to talk about relationships on any level, Max. I need a break." I nod my head and take a seat on one of the chairs, while the jet is readied for takeoff. I'll shirk my curiosity for now.

Normally, we would take a commercial flight, but we are on a time frame and can't afford any delays.

Five minutes later, Alex swings open the main doors of the private waiting area, a smile spread across his face, which I can only assume means my sister agreed to the arrangement. I'm happy for Isabel, Alex is a great guy for her. Perfect for her in fact, he doesn't let her get away with shit; she has to work at the relationship just as much as he has to.

It's what she's needed, just never knew.

Alex approaches, we exchange greetings, and then we fall into a silence. The other guys seem okay without filling the silence.

If I'm honest, a part of me wishes I had gone to see Liz this morning. But I wanted her to sleep. A part of me is worried because while she isn't set to go into labor for another good six weeks, I'm told babies sometime arrive sooner. I have two weeks to get what I need to get done, and get my ass back here. I will not miss my first child's birth, not for anything.

More than that, I'm going to miss Liz. I missed her the first time, but this is different, our relationship is defined, it has meaning, and more than that, I love her. Not seeing her every day is going to be different.

We get the call that we can board the plane, and for some reason while I know we are all enthused about this opportunity, we drag our feet onto the runway.

"Ah... Max?" I'm about to take the last step into the plane, when Alex's voice behind me gives me pause. I look over my shoulder at him ready to ask him what's wrong, when my eyes are diverted to a point over his shoulder.

There, Liz stands, holding an envelope in her hand, her hair blowing in the gust of wind, and a smile planted brightly on her lips. My heartbeat speeds up, and I practically push Alex out of the way.

"Sorry," I mumble, jumping down the last step and then jogging over to Liz.

"What are you doing here?" I ask somewhat out of breath. She blushes, but doesn't duck her head as she normally would.

"Max... I... I wanted to say goodbye." I smile down at her, wrap an arm around her shoulder and bring my head down to kiss her lips. She reaches up on her tiptoes, wrapping her arms around my waist and lifting her head to receive me.

I pull away, walking her back towards the doors, and I peer inside to see my mother standing inside.

"She wouldn't let me call a cab, so she drove me." I wave at my mother, and look down at Liz. The overwhelming feeling of something... love... lust... a combination of the two rushes over me and I can't help but kiss her again.

"I know you have to leave," she says, handing me the envelope in her hand. "But I wanted you to have these." I take it from her, reaching to open it, but her hand on mine stops me. I look at her curiously, and she smiles. "You have to promise not to open it until you get there. Call me when you do, okay?"

"Okay. I promise. Now, I gotta go."

Lifting her hand, she pushes the hair away from her face, and gazes up at me. She looks prepared to say something, but then doesn't.

"What?" I ask. She shakes her head and says, "I wanted to tell you... that I'm going to miss you, Max."

"I'm going to miss you too," I kiss her forehead, then her cheek and finally her lips, and just as I pull away, before her eyes are even open again, I hear her say, "I love you."

Stepping back from her, I take in a deep breath and when her brown eyes finally open again, I mouth those words right back to her and she lifts her hand in a small wave and does the most unlike Liz thing; she blows me a kiss.

*~*~*

From the moment we touched the ground we have been working. My original intention was to call Liz as soon as we landed, but that hasn't worked out and now it's about four in the morning, her time. I can't call her for another couple of hours, but by then I'll be busy all over again.

I haven't opened the envelope she gave me yet, I'm waiting until I can open it and call her. In the meantime, I've been trying to get my brother out of his rut. He's all business but as soon as we got back to the hotel, he wanted to be alone.

"You think Michael is all right?" Alex asks me as he flips through the television and I nod my head.

"I think so, eventually. He took Maria leaving a lot harder than I even thought." For the next few minutes I bring Alex up to speed on Michael and Maria's relationship, at least the parts that maybe if Isabel had told him, he didn't know about.

"I can understand her wanting to leave, though. Sometimes I wish Liz had done the same thing with Danny... damn... sorry, didn't want to bring him up." Alex says and shifts on the bed.

Funny, I haven't thought about Danny or Dean since I was in my parent's hallway with Liz, where she was about to tell me something about them and then I got completely sidetracked. Which, normally wouldn't happen. Then again, I'm more secure in my relationship with Liz that honestly it doesn't really matter. Whatever it is, it's in the past.

Okay, maybe I'm lying to myself, but since I can't call Liz and ask her what she was going to tell me, I need to keep my head on straight. I need to stay sane.

I need to think positively, as hard as that might be.

"It's fine."

"Stop brooding. It's only been a day, you can't miss the girl that much," says Michael as he throws open the door and makes a dive for the bed, almost missing, but making a nice save.

I eye him carefully, he doesn't look any better and he still hasn't eaten. He probably thinks I haven't noticed, but I have.

"Michael-"

"I called her," he rushes out, stunning me.

"You called?"

"Maria. I called her. I had to. I shouldn't have. I know, I'm supposed to give her space, but damn, I can't. Now that she's gone, it seems so... final. I don't like final." I glance at Alex, who looks just as speechless.

I'm about to grasp at the right words to say, words of encouragement, but Alex beats me to the punch.

"It's good that you called her, I think. I feel that sometimes, girls need to be reminded of things. They seem to beat themselves into corners with their thinking, and then before you know it, they've completely written you out of the story. If you want in, then it's good you called."

Now that is exactly what I was going to say.

Michael turns, plops himself onto his back and then sighs heavily. Michael doesn't sigh, but lately that seems to be the only indication you get to know he's still breathing.

"She sounded happy." Both Alex and I realize that obviously Michael isn't listening; instead he starts to spill out everything he's thinking. Alex and I just lean back, get prepared to listen and be there when he's done.

Liz will understand.

*~*~*

Liz and I have been talking for nearly an hour, she's filled me in on the shopping spree Isabel, my mother and her went on yesterday. And when she was done I filled her in on Michael, but Liz seemed confident that Michael just needed to give Maria time, she seemed to have faith that Maria would call Michael when she was ready.

I hope she's right.

A few minutes later, we're onto a new topic, "I don't want a baby shower, Max."

"Liz it's tradition," I say, knowing that Isabel hadn't meant to let it slip but she did and now Liz wanted nothing to do with it.

"Your parents and you have already put together the nursery at your parents house, and we're getting the one at your place done, which by the way the contractors said they would have done by the end of this week. So I can let it air out a week for you, the paint smell should be toned down by then. Anyway, I'm getting off the subject, it would be nice to have a baby shower, but there is really no reason." It's sweet that she's trying to plead her losing case; I'll play along for now.

"My dad called me earlier, about the case. They want to settle, and we need to make an offer."

"An offer of what?"

I answer bluntly, "Money."

"I... how would I know? Besides do we want to settle?"

"We do. Human error, lack of staff, isn't going to hold up in court. They will plea-bargain a settlement. There have been many other cases, but if you want we can continue on."

"How much do we get?"

I smile, not because I'm happy about settling, but in all honesty that was really the only way we could go, after speaking to my father.

"A million."

"Dollars?" she chokes out.

"Yes. It's only fair and..."

"I don't want it."

"What! Why the hell not?" I ask, not sure why I'm furious but I am. Does she think it's some kind of charity, or that I'm paying it? I have to wonder because she was quick to decline it. I have to make her understand it's not me.

"I don't want the money, Max. It would be nice, but it wouldn't be right taking it."

"Liz, they fucked up! You're pregnant with my baby, not with Danny's, and I know a lot has changed between us, but how can you turn it down?" I sit up, trying to figure her out.

"Exactly. If I take the money, then I'm saying that this baby was a mistake, to the world. It's not just between you and me, I have cameras taking pictures of me when I go to work, when I leave work, don't think I haven't noticed."

"Why the hell didn't you tell me?" I growl in frustration. I had no idea the media took that much interest in her, as they do me. I ignore it, better that way.

She sighs into the phone, "I didn't want you getting upset, like you are. And I don't want the money. I'm happy Max, so very happy that I'm having your baby. I won't accept money for the doctor's offices' mistake."

"If you felt this strongly, why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"Because I didn't think that much into it. But I have now."

"Right now?" I question, bitterly. If she's been holding out on me again...

"Right now, I promise."

"So, then what would you like me to tell my father?"

"Tell him, I'll take the settlement, but take my portion of it and donate it to charity. I'd like it to be to a single parents charity. That money would be appreciated more by the people who really need it, people, who don't have anyone else."

I swallow past the lump in my throat. I know damn well Liz could use the money, but instead she's giving it away.

I clear my throat and tell her it's a fantastic idea, and that I will be giving my portion to the same charity as well.

"Now, that that's settled. I wanted to ask you if you wouldn't mind helping me paint my apartment."

"Your bedroom?" I clarify.

"Yes, and Alex's as well. Since I'm sure you've heard by now, he's moving out with Isabel. I think it's great, don't you?"

"Yes I do. But wait, so you're keeping the apartment then?" My mind kicks into overtime, I hadn't thought about that. Damn, the best laid plans and all that other shit.

"I'm keeping it. And Alex is going to help me pay for it. I make enough to cover the rent, but then there are my other expenses. And once we get the nanny, which we need to get on top of. I'll be able to work a few more hours and..."

"And, nothing. Liz, I wanted to wait until we could talk in person. I don't like the idea of my child being raised by some stranger."

She laughs, "Max, you're being silly." Now though I can tell it's a nervous laugh. My confidence grows.

"I'm serious. I wanted to ask you if you would stay home and raise our baby. I know it's asking a lot of you. And I know you have your rent to pay, but I can help you with that and..."

"I'm not your charity case, Max."

"You're right, you're not. You're my girlfriend, the mother of my unborn child, and someone who is turning out to be the love of my life. If you won't do it, then I respect your wishes, but I've thought about you turning me down. So I will take a leave of absence from work."

Liz grows silent, and all I can hear is her breathing. I'm about to ask her what she thinks, when her soft voice filters through the phone. "What were you going to do if I said yes? Would you still be working like you do now?"

I shake my head, even though she can't see me. "No. I planned to work three days at the office and one day at home. Taking Friday off, extending my weekends with you both. I wish you wouldn't look at things as charity, Liz, because that's not what it is. But I respect your feelings, but I'll just ask that you think about it, okay?"

After a minute, she says, "Okay."

I straighten up and dive into the next topic. One that I realized I needed a response to, as much as my last question.

"So other than shopping, what have you been up to?" I ask causally, easing into the topic that I have no doubt will come up, Dean.

"Working, napping and eating. I think if I don't have this baby soon, I'm never going to get back to the size I was." I smile at that, knowing that I don't even know what size Liz really is.

"You look sexy pregnant," I say, my voice growing husky suddenly. I clear it, there is no reason to get turned on by thinking of her pregnant, laying in her bed and talking with me thousands of miles between us.

"I'm round all over. So I'll take your word for it."

I'm surprised at that, "You will?"

She laughs and says, "Don't act so surprised. I'm making an effort to understand your way of thinking when it comes to me."

"Good. I like that. Now, anything new I should know about the baby?"

"Other than jabbing me in places I didn't know existed, and giving me heartburn that could make the strongest man cry, nothing else. Oh, I forgot to mention the doctor called me at work today and she asked me if we'd signed up for the birthing classes. A class starts this week, and so I explained you were out of town, she said I could start it with someone else, and when you return you could catch up."

My eyes narrow, and my interest is piqued, I ask, "That doesn't sound like a bad idea, and I'm sorry I can't be there. Who were you thinking of?"

"Well, seeing as how Isabel is out looking at places for her and Alex to live, and I can't drive, I thought that maybe Dean could go with me."

"Dean? You're not serious," I groan, it sounds quite painful even to my ears. We're back on this merry-go-round. Quite frankly, I'm tired of it.

"What's wrong with him helping me?" her voice is defensive, which only pisses me off more. I'm not a controlling person, not when it comes to women, but damn, she has to know I wouldn't be okay with this.

Rather than answer that question, I try one of my own. "What were you going to tell me in the hallway, at my parents house?"

"Max, I don't want to tell you over the phone. It's something I should have told you already, but... I needed time. I promise I'll tell you when you get back." I don't respond; instead ask another question, one that I know I'll get an answer to, now.

"Why Dean? I would think that you could wait two weeks for me. So tell me why did you decide on him, now?"

"I just thought we could spend some time together."

"Together?"

Liz huffs into the phone, I can hear her aggravation, and a part of me knows I should just back down, but I'm tired, jetlag has kicked in full gear and I'm just tired of the secrecy between us.

"Yes. As friends, Max."

"Hmm."

"You know that he's my best friend. And I've been spending so much time with you; and it wasn't fair to him."

"You're my girlfriend, you're supposed to see me more than your friends." I'm a jealous puppy.

"You know you go on and on about me trusting you and then you turn around and do the same thing to me. You don't trust me, yet I'm supposed to trust you automatically."

"I give you no reason not to trust me," I defend vehemently.

"Oh and I do?" Now she's really relied up, too late to turn back now. This has been a long time coming. Unfortunately, it had to be on the phone, but it is what it is.

"Yes!"

"How? Tell me, Max."

"Dean. Danny... whatever you're keeping from me. Whatever you've been keeping from me. Let's call a spade a spade, Liz. I ask you to trust me, and then I follow up that request by actually doing things that will allow you to trust me."

"Like what?"

"Serena. I stopped talking to her. We've both cut the cord, so to speak..."

Her voice is just above a whisper when she speaks, "I never asked you to."

"Exactly, Liz. You didn't have to. I want to be with you, and I want you to trust me, and I knew that having my ex-wife around, and still talking and having a friendship with her would do more harm than good for you, for us."

"So I have to stop talking to Dean because we're dating," her voice has taken back its edge.

"No. I am asking you to not bring Dean up around me because we're dating, because I'm trying like hell here to figure out if you really want to be with me, or if you're with me because of this situation. Because let's face it, if you weren't pregnant, we probably would have never met," I state the obvious, but the never spoken reason for our relationship, and damn if I didn't mean to sound so angry about it.

She's quiet. I'm about to apologize, but she beats me to it, "I'm sorry, Max. I didn't know you felt that strongly. I thought it was jealousy or I don't know some male ego thing."

"I'm sorry too, Liz. I didn't want to argue with you. I just need things to be honest between us. We'll never make it otherwise," I confess and even though I can't see her I know she's nodding her head.

"I know." I smile, I know her so well.

Clearing my throat, I pull the envelope off my nightstand and tell her I haven't opened it yet.

"Well get to it, Evans." We both laugh, as I tug it open.

Inside are the Polaroid's we took the other night, as well as a picture of the sonogram picture of our baby.

"I didn't want you to forget us," she whispers out.

"Impossible," I say swallowing back the lump in my throat.

"Flattery, will get you everywhere," comes her teasing voice, and then a soft laugh.

"God, Liz. I love you so damn much."

"Good, because I love you more, Max."

I smile at her words, and she breaks into a lighter conversation, baby names.

"I don't want to wait until the last minute, so did you have any names in mind?" she asks, and I settle into bed more comfortably, knowing that our problems aren't solved, but at least we are talking them out.

"I was thinking of Ronald for a boy..." I joke and she tells me her son will not be named after some scary clown passing out hamburgers to children.

I continue on, "And... Wendy for a girl."

"Again, freaky redheaded girl with pigtails, passing out hamburgers to children," she says this time giving up to a fit of laughter.

The sound never felt so fulfilling before.

- - -