The Book of Love

Rating: ADULT
Category: Dreamer (Max's POV)
E-mail: behrsgirl77@msn.com
Disclaimer: I do not own a thing, except for my thoughts and ideas and a couple of the characters I made up for the story. I will state that this is based on a challenge by La'Shon (FSU/MSW-94).

Summary: Max and Liz meet in the most extraordinary way and their lives and their futures will never be the same because of it. This is a story about learning to appreciate the gifts we're given, no matter how they come to be.

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Part 23

A Toothbrush... never meant this much

Liz has apparently gone missing. After returning to the house, I went in search of my mother to check to see when dinner would start. In addition, I needed some time away from Liz. Because while I realized that I do feel so strongly about her, a part of me is terrified that she may not feel the same.

Does she care about me? Yes, I can honestly say that I know she does. Does she love me? I have no idea, and it's that part that terrifies me. After my divorce, I never thought I'd feel so strongly about another woman. I knew I loved Serena, but we were always better friends, but with Liz and I, I want so much more.

Explaining it in words is useless; it's a combination of so many feelings rushing at me, at the same time. When I'm not with her, I can only think of when I'll see her again. And when I'm with her; I want to kiss her, hold her, to tell her everything, to share things with her I've never shared with another.

Above all, I never want to leave her. It's hard to wrap my mind around it. It still seems too fast. It still seems like we still need to get to know one another longer. But I'll be damned if she isn't the first woman I've dated, just like Isabel said, that I haven't slept with.

And one afternoon of hot and heavy making out, wasn't nearly enough. It's the longest I've gone without sex. The longest in my entire life. I can admit it, and not cringe at the thought, because I know, without a doubt that the next person I sleep with, the next person I make love to, will be Liz.

I just wish she'd give me a sign, something so that I'd know I wasn't alone in my feelings. And I'm not the fawn all over a girl, type of guy, but damn if I don't want to kiss her until she breaks down and tells me how she feels.

I wonder what it will take for Liz to finally tell me, in as many words as she can, how she feels about me. What I mean to her.

I excuse myself from the table, where Michael, Isabel and Alex are talking avidly about Isabel's upcoming birthday party, and go in search of Liz. I know that Michael is trying to keep his thoughts far away from the fact that Maria's plane leaves first thing in the morning. I feel bad for him; it's got to hurt like a son of a bitch. But Liz was right; he needed to let her go.

Just as I am about to round the corner of the main hall, I hear voices drift down to me, and I stop immediately, they obviously haven't noticed me.

Serena and Liz, that is.

I turn and lean back against the wall, and do something I know I shouldn't do... eavesdrop.

"...I understand Liz. I really do. And I'm sorry for before," Serena says.

"About what?" Liz sounds confused, that makes two of us.

"I shouldn't have stared at you. It's just that, I wasn't expecting to see you." I wish I could see their faces, but instead I'm stuck just hearing this private conversation.

Maybe I should feel bad, but a part of me wants to know what Liz will say, and more importantly what Serena will say. Not, that I think Serena would be malicious in any way towards Liz, it's just that I know how insecure Liz really is.

Their voices grow lower, and I can't hear a damn thing. I inch closer...

"I'm really happy for Max. He's as happy as I've ever seen him, and I know it has everything to do with you."

"With the baby, you mean." My eyes narrow, does she still think it's only about the baby? Has she been lying to me all this time?

"No, I had it right the first time, Liz. Max is happy with you. He deserves it, just like I do. He was my best friend and it will be sad to let him go, but I know what's best."

"What do you mean? You're not going to talk to Max anymore?" I'm not sure what I think about that, but I guess a part of me, the part that people have told me I need to learn to let go, knows it's what must happen.

"Not like we did. He has his life, and I have mine. I'm going to adopt a baby, and in a few years maybe another. I love Greg, and I love my life with him. Letting Max go, completely, will be hard, because he's always been there, but he has someone else to watch over him now."

"Me?" Liz asks, sounding not a little unsure.

"Of course! Liz, you and Max are going to have a baby, that's amazing. Max has always wanted a family..."

"Did you talk about adoption with him?"

"We talked about it, but for some reason we never moved forward with it. I think we both knew, we weren't going to make it."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I'm happy Liz, and I want nothing but the best for Max. And from what I can tell, that's you and your baby."

"Serena, can I ask you a question? It's kind of personal so if you don't want to-"

"Ask away."

"Did Max ever sing to you?"

"Sing? You mean, for fun?" I can't see Liz's face, but I can imagine she's shaking her head.

"No," she hesitates, but Serena must have caught on because she answers.

My heart is beating fast; my nerves are shot, all over this one question. How will she answer it? How will Liz take it? If anything, it should only fortify my sentiments from earlier. Maybe coming from Serena, someone I was with for so long, will help Liz come to terms with my feelings for her.

"He used to sing in the shower, and he sang or hummed when he was getting ready to go out. He sang in groups at a party when he'd had way too much to drink, but to me, for me? Never."

"Oh," was all Liz said.

Serena sighs heavily, and says, "Liz, if Max sang to you, then that's something he never did to me and I hope you really don't compare what I had with Max, with what you have with him."

Liz is quick to respond, "I'm not." She's lying; I can hear it in her voice. Funny, that in not being able to see her face or her facial expressions, I can more clearly hear what's in her voice, the changes, the uncertainty, everything.

"Good. You shouldn't because Max and I aren't together anymore and even when we were, we were always great friends," she pauses, and lowers her voice just a little, but not enough for me not to hear, "Even when we were together he never looked at me the way he looks at you, when you're not looking. And that's only my observation from the front door... so just imagine, what no one else sees."

Damn. I'm obviously more transparent than I thought. Serena noticed within a few minutes my feelings for Liz and how strong they are. Why can't Liz just accept it? I know there are so many reasons, so many bad examples of love she's had, but still sometimes I wish she'd just see how I feel about her.

Like an instant spark of some sort.

A moment later, I hear the door to the library close and I take a chance and peer around the corner. Liz is standing there, her back against the bathroom door, and her head tilted upwards.

I step forward, the closer I get I notice her eyes are closed. Without opening them, she asks, "How did you know that was my favorite song?" I smile and say that I didn't.

"But that day in your room, when you locked yourself in there, crying over your clothes not fitting. I heard the Alabama song and when I went home that night I found the song and listened to it. I had already heard it long ago, but I needed to refresh my memory. I knew I needed to remember it... for you."

She smiles and opens her eyes slowly, turning to face me, the smile drops. My body tenses, is this bad news? Because it sure looks like that's what she's going to deliver to me.

"Max, there's something I need to tell you."

"What?"

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you this sooner but I was afraid. Afraid of what you would have thought of me."

I step closer, cradling her head in my hand; I lean in closer and kiss her lips gently. She smells incredible, like peaches. It must be her shampoo.

Pulling away, I lean my forehead against hers and whisper out against her lips, "I could never think anything bad about you, Liz. But keeping secrets from me, it worries me that you still feel the need to keep them. It scares me that you may not trust me anymore than the day we first met. It makes me think everything I've been feeling is one sided and that maybe, just maybe I should be worried about our baby being born and you deciding that you don't want to be with me anymore." I confess gruffly, leaning back and searching her face for a sign of some sort.

A sign that my faith in her, in us, isn't misplaced.

She shakes her head and slips her hands around my waist, pressing her face against my chest. Instinctively, I wrap my arms around her, tightly.

"Max, that's not... I'm sorry. It's not what you think." Her voice pleading, she tilts her head back to regard me. Tears brimming her brown eyes and I realize it's possible to love her even more, with each passing moment. That right there, scares the shit out of me.

"Then tell me Liz."

"Max, I wasn't completely honest with you when I told you about Danny and about Dean."

My entire body stiffens at the sound of both their names. This is it. This is where she tells me she was in love with Dean. That they were going to raise the baby together and I screwed things up. I came in the middle of their happy life.

I groan in misery. God, I hope I'm wrong.

"Max, Dean was supposed to be... Dean was..." she pauses and takes in a deep lungful of air, then licks her dry lips. I groan for another reason altogether. How I can think about sex at a time like this is beyond even my comprehension.

"He was supposed to be my..."

Baby's father.

Baby's father.

Those are the words that replay in my head, although she has yet to utter them.

"Liz! Max!" Comes my mother's voice bellowing down the hall.

"Damn it! Liz, finish," I grind out frustrated. Turning her head up to face me. Begging her silently not to break my heart.

Knowing now that it's possible, it infuriates me more than words, that I could be so weak. But it's true. She has the power to wound me irrevocably.

"Max, we can talk about it later."

"Now Liz." Again we ignore my mother's call.

Her eyes are even more pleading than her voice, "Please Max, later." I release her and let her slip out of my arms. We take off down the hall where my mother has just rounded the corner.

"There you are! I was calling you, did you hear me?" she asks and I can't even find my voice to answer, so Liz does.

"We did, I just wasn't feeling all that well. Max was helping me."

"Oh, well are you sure? I can just have dinner served," my mother's voice is nervous and I know why.

"I'm sure. Thank you. Did you need something?"

"Oh, yes. I wanted to show you and Max the nursery."

"Nursery?" Liz's asks in confusion.

My mom's face lights up and she smiles, waves us towards the staircase leading upstairs. "Of course. My grandchild needs a place of their own when they visit." My mother takes Liz's arm and helps her up the stairs, I stand behind Liz just incase. She's too far along to take the stairs alone, especially since she can no longer see her feet.

When we reach the room directly across from my parent's master bedroom suite, my mother pauses and claps Liz's hands in her own.

"In a few short weeks, I will be a grandmother. Which is a very important job, one that I will take very seriously and," she pauses and looks down at Liz.

"I need for Liz to know that while I do like to behave a bit on the... flamboyant side at dinner, it's just for fun. I'm not a crazy martini drinking," she pauses, looks over Liz's shoulder and pins me down with a hard glare, oops!

Liz's voice cuts through my laughter. "Diane, please don't think I've judged you in any way. Seeing you all dressed up always seemed to make me feel more comfortable. It never felt stuffy, or awkward for me because you... well you..."

"Were dressed like a peacock?" My mother helps. And suddenly we all fall into a fit of laughter.

"Yes. Exactly," she says and then clears her throat before opening up the door.

The room is a mixture of yellows and greens, stuffed animals, a crib, blankets, bookshelves filled with an array of children's stories adorn the shelves, curtains cover the bay window in a pattern of pastel green and white swirls.

"Oh my... It's beautiful," Liz says, as she covers her mouth with her hands and steps fully into the room. My mother looks to me for approval, since I hadn't seen it yet, I can tell by the worried look on her face. I smile before reaching out and giving her a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"Thanks mom."

"I know you were going to hire a nanny and I'm sorry that I can't watch the baby myself, but I'd like to extend the offer, that when you do hire the nanny, since you will both be working, I want you to know that our home is open. The nanny can come here and I will supervise."

"Oh Max! That's fantastic. I was really worried, because it would be a stranger and everything..." Liz rattles on her insecurities and I smile because she's already made me aware of them, which is why my mother included the part of us both working.

I didn't want to mention it to Liz yet. I need to know what she's feeling, first. Then I will present the idea that she shouldn't work and that I'd like her to stay home with the baby.

My home, that is.

Our home, soon enough, I hope.

"...I just wish I could be with the baby all the time." Liz comments as she runs her hands over the plush blanket inside the crib. My mother's eyes connect with mine, and she smiles, but I shake my head, fending off her words of encouragement that Liz should stay home.

Okay, so I planned it. I hadn't seen the room, but my mother and I had discussed it already.

While Liz and my mother go over the room, my cell phone rings and I excuse myself into the hall.

"Max!" comes Michael's voice just as I answer the phone. Michael reaches me, out of breath, with a smile wider than the Grand Canyon. Did he run? And once I realize who's on the other end, my heart leaps into my throat.

This is the call.

The one that will change the future of our business; one that will make us a household name, not just in the world of gamers.

Michael is jumping up and down, and I realize that's he's in on the call as well. I can't keep the smile from my voice as I listen to our itinerary for the next two weeks. A part of me can't believe what I'm hearing.

When we hang up, both Michael and I look at each other, not speaking just breathing, deeply.

"This is it."

"This is it." We both say and a minute later we yell out, hi-five each other and my younger brother pulls me into a headlock, and instead of fighting I can do nothing more than laugh and lift him off his feet, and we stumble to the floor in a laughing heap.

"I knew it, Max!" he yells and I slap him on the back as we both try and garner some air.

"What's going on?" comes Liz's voice, and I finally notice both she and my mother are watching us avidly.

"Mom, we leave for two weeks tomorrow for Japan!" I yell and jump to my feet, pulling my mother into a hug and off her feet.

"Oh you got it!" Liz shrieks and I place my mother down, only for Michael to sweep her up.

"We got it, baby!" I smile brightly and kiss her enthusiastically.

"What is going on?" comes my father's voice and Michael and I both try and relay the news before Alex jumps in and figures it out.

"That's right, Alex, pack your bags! Japan here we come!" Michael roars, slapping Alex on the back. Isabel races over and hugs us both.

The hallway is packed with everyone, including Serena and Greg. I reach for Liz's hand and whisper to her, "I love you." She looks up at me startled, but melts against me and smiles brightly. She's about to say something but my mother's clapping interrupts.

"To hell with dinner! We're going out to celebrate my babies great news!"

"I agree," comes my father as he pulls both Michael and I into a fierce hug.

"Max, Michael, that's excellent news. I know you guys have been working for so long and so hard for this. Greg and I are really happy for you," Serena says, holding onto Greg's arm. I can see her words are sincere.

"Thanks Sere."

"Phillip thank you for everything, we'll just be on our way," Greg reaches out his hand to my father, but then Liz's hand reaches out and touches my father's arm.

"What is it?" he asks, and she says, "I think a handshake is for goodbye. I think we all should celebrate, do you?" I quickly turn to look at her and she shrugs her shoulders and I can't help but kiss her again.

"Oh, enough of the public displays of affection," comes Alex's dry remark.

We all laugh as we file out of the hall and make our way downstairs and off to dinner.

*~*~*

I lean my head back on her pillow and reach for her hand. It's nearly midnight, but I can't bear to leave her. It will be two weeks until I'll see her again.

"We'll be what Halo was for Xbox, this is what we've been working for. I mean, Liz, gamers know us, but people who don't even play video games know about Halo, you know?"

Leaning up over me while resting her head in her hand, she strokes the side of my face. She's wearing nothing but one of those short gowns. We're both above the covers and in total darkness.

"That's so great, Max. I'm so proud of you. But..." she pauses her stroking and I turn to her.

"But?"

"I'm going to miss you."

"Yeah?" I ask in a whisper and turn to my side. My head resting on her pillow, one of my hands trailing up her naked leg.

"Yes."

"What else?" I ask, waiting to hear it. Hoping to hear it.

"I used your toothbrush," she says, with a smile lacing her words. What in the hell does a toothbrush have to do with this, I wonder.

"Okay..."

"When I slept over your place, I used your toothbrush." Again I can't figure out what I'm missing but I know it's important for some reason.

"You used my toothbrush?" I ask, and she leans in closer, her lips a breath away from mine. My hand reaches around her back, stroking it up and down, over her bottom and squeezing it. She feels incredible.

Leaning in, her lips touch mine, my heart kicks into high gear, and then she says, "I just wanted you to know." And her lips cover mine. My hand moves up her back, running up to her shoulder and pressing her closer.

I trace her lips with my tongue before dipping inside, tasting her, licking her, loving her. She moans softly and turns onto her back. The strap of her gown slipped off her right shoulder and I reach over her, making sure to not press down on the baby, and kiss her exposed shoulder. She moans again, her back arching and I can't help the groan that escapes.

"I love hearing you moan," I whisper, as I reach out and pull down the other strap of her gown, pulling it down even farther, exposing her full, round breasts. Her nipples are drawn tight and I lean down and take one into my mouth, her hands instinctively reach up to my head and press me closer, I can't help but oblige.

"Max..." she pants out, as my hand travels over the fullness of her breasts, cupping each one, rolling the hardened peak once, twice, before switching up and taking them into my mouth. My hand moves lower, pulling her gown up, past her knees, over her thighs and exposing her to the cool air.

Her hands slip to my shoulders, inside my shirt, and down my back. I slide down against her, she protests, but I lean up and pull my shirt over my head before joining her again. "Damn," I groan as my fingers find her wetness, spreading her, teasing her, and finally zeroing in on the tiny peak.

"Max... please..." she begs and I can't help but smile, returning my mouth to the sweet mound of flesh that I was resting my head against, I suck her in earnest.

"I want to... Max... I want..." she groans out, the moment I press a finger deep inside of her.

Her nipple makes a popping sound as I release it. "What do you want, baby?" I ask, titling my head up and capturing her lips again, stealing the breath from her.

"I want to touch you, you have... but I haven't." She ducks her head and turns away, it might be dark, but up close I can see her perfectly. I smile, and remove myself from her body, lift my hands behind my head and tell her she can do whatever she wants.

Her hands are hesitant, but she's a fast learner. Liz's hands find the waistband of my jeans; she tugs on the button and then unzips them. I raise my hips and help her remove them, and then a minute later, her clever fingers are sliding inside of my boxers and finding my erection; standing tall and proud.

I groan as her small fingers encircle me, her inexperience clear, but her eagerness, appreciated more than she can know.

"Help me..." I reach out, without thought and wrap my hand around hers, stroking, teaching her the rhythm and then I slowly extract myself and give her free reign.

Control, is my middle name. I have a solid control on my body's reaction during sex, but damn if I'm not at the breaking point. A few strokes of her enthusiastic hands and I have to reach out and grip her, steadying her movements.

"If you keep that up... God... just give me a minute, Liz." She slowly removes her hand, but then to my utter surprise, grips me firmer in her hand and strokes me, up and down, over and over, squeezing it ever so, taking me to the edge within minutes. I can't control my rapid panting. I pull her face down to my lips, I breath into her mouth, groan as my hips take on a life of their own and then she says, "Max..." and I lose control. And losing control has never felt so good before; my entire body shudders as I flood her hand.

"That was worth waiting for... I can't wait for the rest," she says before kissing me. I throw my head back as she moves to my neck, then my chest, and I can't help but think... the significance of a toothbrush to Liz, never meant so much to me.

I finally know, that she loves me too.

And there is no better feeling in the world.

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