The Book of Love

Rating: ADULT
Category: Dreamer (Max's POV)
E-mail: behrsgirl77@msn.com
Disclaimer: I do not own a thing, except for my thoughts and ideas and a couple of the characters I made up for the story. I will state that this is based on a challenge by La'Shon (FSU/MSW-94).

Summary: Max and Liz meet in the most extraordinary way and their lives and their futures will never be the same because of it. This is a story about learning to appreciate the gifts we're given, no matter how they come to be.

---

Part 18

Letting It Slip

I watch them closely, and wonder not for the first time, how they make their relationship work. What are the ingredients to make it last?

It, meaning the good times; the love, all of it.

Dexter and Stacey have this chemistry that just exudes in every look, every touch, you almost feel jealous of watching them.

And yes, a part of me is jealous. Because I don't think I'm capable of that type of love. Maybe when I was young and naïve, but I'm well past that point. Not everything turns out the way I want and need it to.

All I've had was, one divorce and a string of meaningless girlfriends, and then there's the sex. Because that's all it was after I got divorced.

Hell, that was all there was before I met Serena.

It's not that I have a problem with commitment, not in the least. My problem seems to be my belief that things don't work out for the best, and maybe my insecurity that things don't last, for the majority.

Cynical, I know, but true in my case.

And now I have Liz and my baby she's carrying, and these feelings I don't quite understand. I can't put a name to them, because honestly what I feel when I look at Liz, when I think about her, when I touch her, kiss her.. is just different. It's a feeling unlike anything I've ever felt in my entire life.

And that, right there, scares the shit out of me.

What does it all mean? I hate over analyzing anything. Normally, I think it over, once, twice and then make a definitive conclusion.

Not with Liz. Hell she drives me half mad with wanting to know about her, revealing things I never would have thought about her, and now this 'new' personality. I enjoy her all the more for it. I know she still has secrets, and that's okay, but when she lets down her guard like she has been, she's like a breath of fresh air. I can't help but want to be with her every second of the day.

Which makes me feel miserable, because I can't be. It would be odd, wouldn't it?

I can't just show up and take her to dinner every day, and kiss her and want to do all of these maddening things to her.

Then again, a part of me feels like after that day in my bedroom two weeks ago, that things changed between us. She's five and a half months pregnant, she grows by the day and my feelings for her change by the hour, it seems.

"So Max, when do I get to meet Liz?" Stacey asks me as she turns from Dex to regard me across the table. We decided to meet up for lunch this afternoon.

I snap back to reality and smile at her, "How about Thursday? My mom has been dying to see pictures from the wedding."

"That sounds excellent. Now tell me, are you excited about the baby?" she smiles brightly. My heart clenches a bit, and my eyes make a quick sweep toward Dexter, and see that he hasn't moved his eyes from his wife. The thing I failed to mention is that Stacey is sterile. She can never carry a child of her own, or have a child that is biologically related to her, a childhood illness, and something about the treatment that left her incapable of doing so. Dexter explained it to me long ago, but the how and the why didn't matter.

For Stacey and Dex, nothing matters because they can weather any storm. I've seen their relationship from the start, and I knew from the first time Stacey spilled her drink over Dexter's head that they were something special.

He never looked at another girl after that.

"...I think it's great that you're going to be a father, Max. You've waited a long time and..." Stacey trails on and Dex looks at me with a smile knowing once his wife went on a tangent she could be there a while.

I reach out grabbing my drink and taking a slow sip. I try and focus all my attention on her, but again my mind wanders to Liz. She's been in every thought lately, constantly. We still talk every night, which I love. I stop by and see her every day, and tonight we're supposed to be double dating with Alex and Isabel.

All and all things are going great, but then there's this fear that keeps creeping up into my conscious; what if we don't work out?

Isabel says I'm putting too much stress on our new relationship.

"Honey, why don't you give Max a chance to talk?" Dex says with a laughing smile as his wife slaps him gently on the chest.

"That's okay. Stacey always did love to talk," I tease.

"The both of you are evil, did I ever tell you that?" she crosses her arms across her chest and puffs out a breath.

"Yes." We both quip lightly.

"Come on Stace, you know I love you but that mouth of yours well, it rivals Maria."

"Oh! Speaking of which I ran into her the other day at Daisy's, she looks great. Have you spoken to her?"

I nod my head, not truly sure if I should venture down this road, but knowing what I know of Stacey and Dexter, I know my secret is safe with them. I tell them everything Maria told me, but I keep the information Michael shared with me to myself.

"Damn, Max. Michael is going to be pissed when he finds out." I love how he says 'when' not 'if' Michael finds out.

"My intention was to tell him, but Michael's dealing with some other stuff. So I decided to wait a little."

Dexter shakes his head, and leans forward, placing his elbow on the table to regard me. "It's a mistake. You're in the middle now; this could blow up big time Max. You know I'd back you through anything but you need to tell Mike. He won't be happy that you've kept up your friendship, but honestly I don't know how he'd expect anything less of you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask, truly at a loss.

Dex gives Stacey a quick look before turning back to me. "Max, you don't know how to let go."

"What is that supposed to mean," I repeat.

His shoulders shake a bit before he continues. "Don't shoot the messenger, man. I'm just saying that, well look at your ex-wife. Max, you do know it's not normal to be on speaking terms with her right?" I nod, knowing it's true. But my relationship with Serena is different, we're friends.

I must show my annoyance because Dex reaches out and slaps me on the arm, laughing boisterously.

"All I'm saying is that, I can understand why you couldn't just write Maria off. And I don't blame you, but Michael is your brother, you have some loyalty to him. I know you better than you know yourself sometimes, which is why I'm going to give you this piece of advice before my lovely wife and I head out."

"Yeah, and what's that?"

"Sometimes, no matter how much it hurts, you have to let go." He offers me a small, knowing smile before he and Stacey say their goodbyes.

I lean back thinking about to a time when he offered me the same advice, and while I took it, I didn't follow it through.

Dexter gave me that same advice, when I was trying to decide what to do about Serena and my relationship. And I knew he was right then, just like I know he's right now.

I have to let go of my past in order to figure out what I'm going to do with the rest of my life.

Before I can decide what I'm going to do about Liz and I.

*~*~*

I pull up to my house and my phone goes off. I'm tempted to not answer it, I really want out of my suit and a long hot shower. I flip it open and see it's Alex.

"Max, you need to get over here. Liz is freaking out, like nothing I've ever seen before," he rattles off.

"Wait, is she okay?" I ask, already pulling back onto the street.

"Yes. No. She's crying, she won't open her door and she's playing Alabama," he says with a heavy sigh.

"What does Alabama have to do with anything?" I try and focus on both Alex and the road, knowing that during traffic it could take me a little longer to get there.

"She's blasting it, she only does that when she's upset."

"Okay, but are you sure she's feeling fine, it's not the baby or anything right?" I say, feeling my gut clench with worry.

"No, physically she's fine."

"Okay-"

"Just hurry, cause she won't open for me."

"What makes you think she'll open for me?"

"I'll pretend you're not asking me that question," he says with an extra thick layer of sarcasm.

I hang up after that realizing I can't do a damn thing until I get there.

*~*~*

I don't even reach the doorstep before Alex pulls me inside and calls out something that sounds like, "She's your problem now." I shake my head and make my way to Liz's bedroom door, but before I even reach it, I can clearly hear the music blaring from inside.

Even though Alex told me whom Liz was listening to, it's still odd for me to think of Liz even liking country music. Then again I don't even know what kind of music she really likes.

I reach the doorknob and it's locked. I knock, loudly.

"Go away, Alex!" she yells out over the music.

"Liz, it's me, Max."

I hear a little shuffle, after the music is turned down, and she opens up the door. Immediately I take in her appearance. Her eyes are swollen and puffy, her cheeks are pink and the tip of her nose is red.

"What's wrong?" I ask, as I push through into her room.

Which I might add, has been completely destroyed. Clothes are thrown all over the place, along with shoes and well, just about anything else that would have been found in her closet.

"Nothing," she pouts, literally pouts and then starts to cry. I quickly close the distance between us, wrap my arms around her and urge her to look at me.

"Tell me sweetheart," I murmur as I place a kiss on the top of her head.

"I'm fat!" she bursts out crying and I am unsure of what I'm supposed to say to that.

"No, you're not."

"Yes. I am! Don't antagonize me Max!" she growls out and stomps back towards a small portable radio sitting atop her dresser and turns the volume back up.

I walk up behind her, turning it down and she huffs and walks away.

"Liz, you're not fat. You're pregnant, and..."

"And I'm fat!" she throws herself on the bed and cries into her hands.

My heart breaks at her how defeated she looks. But I smile because she looks adorable right now. She's wearing a black knee length dress, with a deep v-neck and her small feet are stuffed into black and pink 'Hello Kitty' slippers (for the record I only know the name of that inane Kitty because of Isabel).

"Liz, tell me why you think you're fat?" I ask coming to stand in front of her.

She yanks her hands away from her tear stained face and says, "Because I am! I'm fat and pregnant, and no one.. no one is going to want to.. to..." she sputters as her eyes finally take all of me in.

A smile lifts at the corner of my mouth, as her eyes travel up my body and I hear her intake of breath. I'm told I do present a mouth-watering visual experience in my suits; this is probably the first time she's actually taken notice though.

"Hi," I say, and she blushes back behind her hands. I lean down and pull her hands away, and somehow manage to settle in next to her on the bed. I draw lazy circles over her stomach and wish; with a deep longing that I could feel our child move just once.

"Why don't you finish your sentence," I urge softly.

"No. It's embarrassing," she mumbles out, not looking at me. At least she's moved her hands.

"Tell me," I coax softly, taking liberty to lean in and kiss her cheek softly. I whisper in her ear, "Tell me," and she draws in a deep breath.

"You do enjoy embarrassing me. Fine. I'll tell you. Only if you promise to leave after I'm done."

"No can do, Liz." She narrows her eyes at me, but I know she'll tell me.

"I was going to say that no one was going to want me." She looks at me, gauging my reaction.

I don't skip a beat. "Trust me Liz, you don't have anything to worry about." I say, suddenly finding my closeness to her uncomfortable, for me.

In fact, the instant she said no one was going to want her, my body jerked to life. Hell the moment I saw her, puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks, my heartbeat sped up. I lick my dry lips and sit upright, trying to gain some distance, but her hand reaches out and grabs me.

"What do you mean by that?" Leaning up I watch as she searches my face for an explanation, which I'm not sure I can give her.

"I have an idea." I decide to try and distract her.

"What?"

"I'm going to take you shopping, after I go home and take a shower and change. So lose the slippers and grab your purse." I reach for her hand, tug on her gently to stand beside me.

I think I'm home free, I really do.

I couldn't have been more wrong.

She stops just short of the door and pins me with a serious glare.

"What?" I feign ignorance.

"What did you mean?"

Seeing no way out of this, I say, "I just meant that you affect me, so I know that what you said wasn't true. Because.. because..." I stop myself. What the hell am I thinking? I cannot tell Liz that I want her.

Unfortunately, she doesn't understand my dilemma and pushes me for more.

"Tell me, please."

"Leave it alone, Liz."

"Tell me, Max."

"Liz-"

"Max, we're not going anywhere until you tell me." She stomps her foot down and crosses her arms.

I take a deep breath, because suddenly I feel like that first domino that falls, the one that causes everything else to come tumbling down, but I say it anyway.

"I want you."

Her eyes go wide and I push past her, thinking that the last thing I can do now is take her anywhere.

- - -